Sunday, December 19, 2010

Santa Claus

So the question I have today, just in time for the festive season is: Will I tell my kid about Santa Claus?

My first inclination is yes. But there is a hint of argument from my hippie, conspiracy theorist, PETA member self (I’m not a PETA member) who thinks that lying to your kids about the biggest scam in consumerist history is not what you call being a good parent. OK I might be going a little overboard there but it is worth some thought. So I will let both sides give their case.

Pro Santa: I loved Santa as a kid. And not just because he assured me that I got two awesome presents instead of one. Santa is a magical person. He lives at the north pole with elves and flies around the world for one night with presents and reindeer. A child is nothing if not blessed for a pure imagination and gullibility to match. We need a way to mark the end of the year as a special celebration and while fireworks are cool as a kid they aren’t that great and the kids can’t booze up on NYE either. Santa creates this irresistible anticipation and there is nothing quite like staying up on Christmas Eve to try and catch Santa coming down the chimney (though no one really has chimneys anymore) only to find you fell asleep at 12 and woke up at six with a bunch of presents everywhere. No parent could achieve such stealth; only Santa!

Con Santa: Oh yeah like Santa can fly around and visit 3 billion homes in one night. Heaps plausible. Plus he is a racist; why doesn’t he visit the Muslims huh? Flying reindeer? I figured out that was bullshit when I was 3 years old. You realise it’s just a capitalist money grab filling our heads with this desire to buy stuff and as an excuse we claim it is for other people but really we are just selfish and want more stuff for ourselves. More Stuff. More Stuff! MORE STUFF!!!! My kid isn’t going to grow up believing in this bullshit. I won’t shower him with extra presents and he will grow up to resent me through his childhood but thank me later when he is older and has harnessed the ability to be cynical. "Oh Oh but he won't know the magic of Christmas. Oh no, I'm a fairy and magic is everywhere." Magic? Magic isn’t real you know. Fake Bullshit. Capitalist. Pig. Stuff. More Stuff. Wah.

So I think I am going to tell my kid. Christmas is too much fun to deny a child. Some of my best memories are from Christmas and I don’t want to trade them in. I just want to have more of them by watching my kid experience the magic of Christmas. So say to ye now:

I will tell my kid about Santa! Maybe not the Easter Bunny though…that’s a bit weird.

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